Your finally home!

It is over. I really can't believe it. I think the smiles on the boys faces says it all. It has only been a week and it seems like you never left. Hopefully, we will never have to go thru this again...We love you!

Just waiting...

Where are you now? I wish I knew. I know that you are in the travel stage but have no idea where or when I will hear from you. The not knowing is driving me nuts! I can't believe that it is finally here. You have been away from us for 16 months now. We are different people but the love I have for you is even stronger. I can't wait to see you, to hold you, to kiss you and tell you how much I have missed you. As I look back at all that has happened the past year and a half, I guess I can honestly say that it has been a really tough road. I never thought I could handle it, but I did. The boys are doing great and are so excited to finally see you again. We survived, but it wasn't easy. It will be so nice to have my best friend with me again. I have missed your company so much.
Be prepared Hun...that is all I can really say.
We love you and are anxiously awaiting your call...

Only 1 month left!

It seems so strange. We have been waiting so long for this and I can't seem to get myself motivated. I have planned in my head for over a year now just what I would do to prepare for your homecoming and now that it is almost here, I just can't seem to do anything. I think I am afraid that maybe the army will change dates on us. It doesn't seem real to me. I guess I got so used to being miserable most of the time that I can't get myself out of it.
Rest assured that I won't let you down...You know I will be well prepared for you, just not as organized as I usually am!
I hope you will be OK. I know in my heart that everything is going to be fine. Just like when you were home on leave...we talked about whether it would be awkward and it wasn't at all. I know we both felt 100% comfortable...just like you never left.
Do you remember the day you flew back to Iraq? That was the worst day of my life. I thought when you first left was bad but that was unbearable. I remember sobbing so badly that I had to pull over on the way home. I couldn't see a foot in front of me. I think of that day and how terrible I felt and it reassures me that everything will be ok. I know we have both changed in so many ways but the love I have for you has only grown and there is noone in this world that I would want to be with other than you.

6 MORE WEEKS!

I can't believe it is actually happening...Before you know it, this will be all over. The boys go back to school next week so Sept. should fly bye. It must be exciting for you too. Just knowing that you will be out of there soon must help everyone with morale.Just think hun, pretty soon you will have a stocked fridge at your disposal at anytime...I promise to have enough budlight waiting for you to last at least a month!I had alot of fun this weekend...Figured I would put up a picture for those that are curious what I look like. I am the one in red and my favorite sister in law is with me! Hopefully the weather will stay nice so you can check out my tan lines when you get home!!!!Love you more than anything...the countdown continues

2 more months and your out of Iraq!

Part of me is so excited and part of me is a little afraid. I am scared that we will overwhelm you. I am scared that you won't be able to handle all the attention. You have basically lived in a tin can for the past year isolated from any love and security. We have done our best to keep on going but there has never been a day when you were not spoken about. We have been waiting a long time for you and I just hope you can handle us when you get home. I have this feeling of insecurity for the first time in our marriage. I don't know why but it is very strange. I assume it is just the home stretch anxieties but sometimes I just can't shake it. I just hope that if we are over bearing you will let us know. We need to respect your need for freedom and space and I will work on that with the kids...I just hope I can follow the same rules!
We love you and we miss you so much. Before long you will be back home where you belong...
I thought I would put a picture up of the kids. They were so proud to wear these that day and are so dissappointed that they have outgrown them.
Stay safe hunny...we are almost there.

3 more months

Thankfully the past month went by pretty fast. It amazes me that summer is already half over. Soon enough the kids will be back in school and I will be preparing for your homecoming. I can't wait until this is over. I pray everyday that we will never have to go through this again. I suppose in some ways it has been a eye opening experience. I love you now even more than before. I know I could never live without you. If only I could get you out of my mind every once in a while I would probably be so much better off! Everything I do through out the day I have you on my mind. I constantly wonder what your doing and if your ok. I hope your too busy to sit and think like I do because some days it could kill me...Stay busy and know how much I love you

Enough already!

OK...I am definately done. It has been a year now and I can't stand it any longer. I am tired of being a single mom, tired of going to games everyday and homework battles. I am tired of having all the responsibility. Without my mother I think I would be locked up somewhere. I know we are in the home stretch...4 more months but I can't stand it any longer!!!!!

A Busy Month

It has been almost a month since I last posted...Thankfully, it has flown by. Matthew is doing great in baseball. He made the all star team and stood there so proud when the National Anthem was sung. Joey seems to be doing better and Dave is just hanging in there. I keep telling them that it is almost over and it is so nice to say! We can finally see the light and I am already in the planning stage for your homecoming. I often sit and wonder what it will be like. Will you just jump right back into the dad routine or will it take you a bit to re-adjust? I can assume it will take you a while but I guess we have to wait and see. Time changes alot of things and people but I strongly believe that your still the same wonderful man I married and I just hope it will be an easy transition for you. Stay safe my love and know that you are always on my mind...

A Lazy Sunday

After such a busy week, the boys and I are just hanging around today. It is so nice to not have anything that HAS to be done for a change. Being busy is definitely the best thing to try to keep my mind off you. Somehow though, even in the middle of complete chaos, I always seem to have you on my mind. I was so disappointed that I missed your call last night. I was really hoping that you would have called my cell. I waited up until 3:30am but you must have gone to bed. Hopefully I will hear from you today. I went to the FRG meeting yesterday. I have to honestly say that most times I leave there completely pissed off. Yesterday was good though. We talked briefly about homecoming plans and it was nice to see that there is light at the end of this tunnel. They tried to make it clear that when you arrive at the MOB station, families will be discouraged about visiting...Unfortunately, I didn't hear that so I will be there! I am tired of the Army telling me what we can and can't do. As far as I am concerned, they took you away from us for 11 months so far with at least 5 more to go. The second you arrive in the US...I am going to be there whether they like it or not. The thing that really gets me is the people that make all these rules are in the rear detachment. They go home to their wives and kids everynight because they are stationed locally. They can kiss my ass if they think I am spending one minute longer away from you then what is necessary. Obviously their 3 year olds don't cry everynight wondering why daddy is still an "Army Guy". They don't have to answer the questions day in and day out of why daddy left us. They don't have to deal with the fear of you never returning. They are clueless as far as I am concerned of what it is really like to be put on active duty and torn away from everyone that you love. Well baby...enough bitching for today. You know how I feel about you but I will tell you again anyway. I love you more than anything and can't wait until we can put this all behind us.

Back in the routine

It has been a while since I last posted...being negative doesn't help anyone so I decided to stay quiet for a bit until my thoughts were clear. It is amazing to me that this time was so hard. I guess I truly didn't realise how much I miss you. Every day I would go about my business and just hang in there...After you left again, It felt like a death. I was in total mourning. I am ok now and the boys and I have established our routine again. For all the wives out there that just can't imagine 1 more day with out him...It does get easier. I am so looking foward to this thing being over. I have never appreciated you more. I can dream right now of your return but before you know it...it will be a reality, 5 more months, and you will be back where you belong...home with me and the boys. I love you baby!

Picking myself back up again

Enough feeling sorry for myself, life goes on right? It has been 5 days since you left again...seems like a few months. At least we are on the home stretch. Another 6 months or so and this will all be over. The boys are doing ok...better than me anyway! Not much else to say except be safe and I will be OK.

Your gone again

The last two weeks were wonderful. I was hoping it would be easier this time but unfortunately, it was harder. It was so reassuring that from the moment I saw you, it was like you never left. People always comment on how different things are when soldiers come home. I didn't feel that way and I don't think you did either. I have a constant lump in my throat and feel like I am fighting off tears at every moment. Hopefully that will fade and the boys and I will get back to our routine. I know it was really hard on you this time as well...I ask myself, Was it worth it? I can honestly say I don't know...I loved every minute of everyday the last 2 weeks but this sucks. At least I hadn't let my guard down when you were away. I now have to build that back up again. Family and friends are wonderful but I don't want to talk to them. All I want is you.

Just waiting...

I can't believe that in a couple of days I will see you again. I will finally get that hug that I have been waiting so long for. I hope this R&R is everything that you have dreamt it would be. The boys and I are dying to see you. I can't wait for your phone call to let me know when your landing. We will be there waiting no matter how long it takes. Have a safe trip and know how much we love you. Until then...

Your coming home to me

Just when I think I can't survive another month without seeing you, you let me know that your coming home on leave. I always hoped to hear that but didn't want to be disappointed. You'll be back in my arms in just a couple weeks. I can't wait for the moment I see you. Hopefully that moment will replace the vision of the day you left.

We are half way home...

272 days ago you packed your bags and went to the mob station. That day will forever be imbedded in my head. So many times I have closed my eyes and can feel that last kiss you gave me. With tears rolling down my cheeks I drove away with such an empty feeling. Would I see you again? Will you come home the same man I married? The boys and I stood on the street corner, holding our signs, waiting for your convoy to pass. The anticipation for this moment was overwhelming. Then you came...driving by with a big smile and a wave. As much as I didn't want you to go, I knew that you'd be OK. We now have 275 days left. We are almost half way there. I know we can make it. Every morning your the first thing that comes to my mind and as I fall asleep at night I have a picture of you in my head. Stay safe my love...

I had to post this poem I found

A SOLIDER'S WIFE
I am asked everyday by people who care about me what it is like to be a solider's wife.
There is no easy answer to that question because unless you are one of us you can not fathom what we deal with every second of every day.
Close your eyes and imagine a nightmare so terrifing you can not breathe......and you can't wake up
Imagine a world where your best friend is in danger.......and you can't help them
Imagine being afraid to leave your telephone.....because it is your life line to sanity
Imagine sitting in a small room watching a computer screen...as you pray today he will be able to come on line
Imagine turning on a radio and hearing about bombings and deaths and no knowing where your husband is today
Imagine going for days and weeks with no communication as sometimes they just can not get to a telephone
Imagine hearing your husband's voice and you hearing the fear as he tells you he is about to convoy through a war torn country
Imagine waking up everyday knowing that there is no end in sight...
Imagine a Christmas morning where your child is concerned as to whether or not Santa can find daddy at "work"
Imagine the very best part of yourself is gone and you don't know where it went or if it is coming back
Imagine waking up in a warm house house and knowing that your soul mate is sleeping in a metal box
Imagine having no where to go to find peace and quite
Imagine praying for nothing more then the safe return of you true love
Imagine not being in control of your own life as your world is suddenly subject to a war
Imagine not being clear on why we are still in conflict yet knowing you can lose everything at somone elses whim
Imagine losing your day to day life and the world you once knew.....
Imagine a home that was once full of laughter and love suddenly darkened by tears and grief
I am a hostage of terrorist activity......
I am captive to fear and loneliness...
I am a victim of war...
I am a solider's wife.......

My thoughts for the day

It has been 5 months since I have seen you. I am thankful we had that time before you went overseas. So much has happened since you have left. We have a new house. The baby is talking now. The older boys have gained so much independence and I am just waiting. I feel like life is on hold. I didn't realize how much I would truly miss you. I knew it would be hard without you here but hoped I would adjust. I miss the laughs, the company, and your stupid sense of humor. All the things that drove me crazy, I long for right now. I am very proud of what your doing and support you 100%. Please know that I love you and even though this is very difficult, I am proud to be your wife.